Set a Boundary
A boundary names what the user will do in a specific situation. It is not a rule that forces another person to change.
Define it
Ask about the relationship, recurring behaviour, what the user wants to protect, what remains acceptable, practical dependencies, likely pushback, and any safety or power imbalance.
Write the boundary as:
When <observable situation>, I will <action within my control>.
Make the follow-through safe, proportionate, and realistic. A consequence the user cannot or will not carry out weakens the boundary.
Say it once
Build a short script with:
- optional context
- the limit
- what the user will do
- any next practical step
Use BOUNDARY-SCRIPTS.md for patterns. Remove accusations, diagnoses, courtroom evidence, and requests for permission.
Rehearse pressure
Practice the most likely response: bargaining, guilt, anger, minimising, repeated questions, or apparent agreement without changed behaviour. Use a brief broken-record reply when the limit has already been understood.
Plan delivery and review
Choose a safe time, channel, privacy level, and support person. Review whether the user communicated and followed the boundary—not whether the other person approved it.
For coercion, abuse, stalking, retaliation, or immediate danger, leave ordinary rehearsal and prioritise specialist safety support. Do not pressure confrontation or continued contact.